Emily
MikeI just finished reading the fourth book by pop-culture writer Chuck Klosterman, titled “Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas” (published in 2006). The book is mostly a collection of previously released articles that were published in SPIN and Esquire, but he adds a new introduction and footnotes to each article. In a section called “Things That Are Mostly True,” he introduces each article with a thought-provoking hypothetical question.
One of the most interesting hypotheticals is about monogamy and cheating. Here it is in its entirety, but, after thinking about it, you might want to read what Klosterman has to say about it. (You can go either to the book itself, or to the Esquire article where it was originally published. Also, if you want to read a good review of Klosterman and his pop-culture status, see this.)
Today we begin with a hypothetical question, which–on its surface–may seem to have a straightforward, obvious, undeniable answer. However, this question raises a larger point about everything we pretend to understand about relationships, and particularly what we assume we understand about monogamy (and when infidelity technically begins). So while your answer to this question might seem unambiguous, the criteria you use to reach the conclusion are generally more important than the answer itself. In other words, what you say doesn’t matter as much as why you choose to say it.
The question s called the Jack and Jane Hypothetical, and it goes like this:
Let’s say you have two friends named Jack and Jane. They have been romantically involved for two years, and the relationship has always been good. Then one day Jack calls you and sadly mutters, “Jane just broke up with me.” You ask why this happened. Jack says, “She thinks I cheated on her.” You ask, “Well, did you?” Jack says, “I’m not sure. Something strange happened.”
This is what Jack proceeds to tell you:
“There is this woman in my apartment building who I barely know. I’ve seen her in the hallway a few times, and we’ve just sort of nodded our hellos. She is very normal looking, neither attractive nor unattractive. Last week, I came home from the bar very drunk, and I ran into her while I was getting my mail. She was drunk, too. So just to be neighborly, we decided to go to her apartment to have one more beer. But because we were intoxicated, the conversation was very loose and slightly flirtatious. And then she suddenly tells me that she has a bizarre sexual quirk: She can have an orgasm only if a man watches her masturbate. This struck me as fascinating, so I started asking questions about why this was. And then–somehow–it just sort of happened. I never touched her and I never kissed her, but I ended up watching this woman masturbate. And then I went home and went to bed. I told Jane about this a few days later, mostly because it was all so weird. But Jane went fucking insane, and she angrily said our relationship was over. Now she won’t even return my calls.”
Whose side do you take, Jack’s or Jane’s?
Filed under: Pop Culture Tagged: | Chuck Klosterman, Monogamy
